I fall somewhere between an optimist and a pessimist. There is a thin line, and I balance myself across it ever so slightly. However, that in itself is not fully the truth; I am anything but balanced. I am constantly aware of how I change my mind, day after day, night after night.
I feel like the world is turning its back on itself and that one day the whole Earth is going to blow up, just to spite us. Somehow, I still find beauty in its scenery and a calmness in its polluted air. I find most of the people egotistical, snub and depressed without reason. Maybe it’s a California thing, but I have traveled a bit and it doesn’t seem to matter which part of this over-populated world I am in; I still see these people. One of my greatest traits: I still find beauty in the broken ones; in the meltdown of the people as a whole.
I try to think about the world as seen through a child’s eyes. Oh lord, how we must confuse our children. We cry when we are sad, and when we are happy. We yell at each other, then turn around to give hugs and kisses. We talk about a change we want to see in the world; but never stop our everyday life to try harder to make it. As common a marriage is a divorce to follow. We caution of drugs, alcohol and cigarettes yet we advertise them for the world to see. Our country proclaims that it is the best, yet they kill innocent people and continue a war that should of ended before it began. We teach that all people were created equal, yet this is not the case. Racism and slavery should be done with, however, white supremists and prostitutes still swarm the streets. From a child’s eyes this could all be so confusing. From my eyes, this IS so confusing.
When I am all alone, I have the tendency to break down. Its a gift I have acquired, and one that I will carry with me until I die: I wait until I am solely alone to break down. I have not figured out yet if this is a gift or a curse.. Hold it in. Til I break. And someday, I will.
