4th of July

I sit here in my zebra print underwear, drinking a diet coke, dreading the 107 degree weather that is rolling in. A slight hangover from last night’s festivities, and paint still smeared down my face. I am anything but perfect, this I know. I have a wild side, that teeters between cautious and down right stupid. I laugh to hard, cry too much, and love just enough. I don’t sleep around, but I do wonder at times, out loud, what it would be like. I don’t hold back, and I have nothing to hide from this world.

I long to be desired, but when I am, I laugh it off and turn the other cheek. I continuously run full speed away from potential love. I don’t stop until I bump into some asshole that will love me just enough, at a distance. I play a game in my head, to see whom will leave first; usually him. My heart is sheltered, but huge and open. That is how I know I am far too good for these men.

I have finally stayed in one place long enough to fall for a nice man. Partly because there is nowhere for me to go; I think he is onto me and my insecurities. Partly because I don’t want to go anywhere, and I don’t want to waste my time on anyone else. Its only been two months, so let’s not get too ahead of ourselves here, I still have time to run if I choose. But in all honesty, it finally feels nice to be desired. Last night when he stopped BBQing to walk over and tell me I was the most beautiful girl in the room, I felt butterflies for the first time in years. I laughed it off, turned the other cheek, but smiled because it was nice to be desired by someone other than a drunk.

I know I am not perfect, and it’s taken me too long to realize that people are not perfect. Most people are scared, running, and trying everything they can to cover their flaws. This is where I am different. I let my flaws show completely. They are there, for the world to see. I find hope in the fact that one person in this crazy, hectic world still thinks I am beautiful, because sometimes that is all you need.

One person.